Journal Entry Dated: June 12, 1996
(Note: Three years & two months have elapsed since the life-changing car accident)
“I feel the need to begin a journal. Several hours ago, I could tell that the Holy Spirit was bringing my shortcomings to my attention. Most prominent was my prideful, arrogant, self-important attitude. How unworthy I am to even be considered a deacon! When the phone rang and I saw it was M.P. with a prayer request, I actually considered not answering.
God forgive me!
I have become so lazy, procrastinating (as always), and so absorbed in my own world. I remember how I was, not so long ago… willing and eager to help out. Even at work I have become a different person.
The Holy Spirit has unmasked me, and I disgust myself. I have not been having a daily discipline of prayer and Bible study. I am ashamed to confess that I never have. My prayer tonight was full of confusion. There are holes in my armor of faith.
I feel like God has not been answering my prayers. I have been asking for His help for so long, but it just doesn’t seem to help. But God is always faithful. He is showing me to ignore the masses of confusion, problems, and all the other things wanting my attention. My prayer tonight ended simply with:
“Father, I know You will take care of everything that confronts me and competes for my attention. I give all of those to you and I pray simply for You to help me know You better.”
I need to hide in the wilderness from everything pressing around me and focus on knowing God, see His mighty power, and praise & worship Him alone.
After my prayer tonight, the Lord led me to Psalm 66:16-20…
“Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what He has done for me. I cried out to Him with my mouth; His praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!“
Remember what I said about holes in my faith and God not answering my prayer? Scratch that.”
Author’s Note: I’m amazed when I look back at this journal entry that I wrote more than two decades ago. How little did I know at the time that my desire to “hide in the wilderness” would soon be granted!
God is forever faithful! Continue to call out to Him!